The Cleaning Thing

I have walked in through our front door for weeks now, totally disgusted with our front yard. The too-tall grass. The dying plants. The overgrown shrubs. Ick.

Yet I was waaay too lazy to do a darn thing about it. Until today.

I spent most of the afternoon trimming and cutting and digging and raking and bagging the old, dirty, unwanted dead plants. And as I was finishing up, I thought to myself...hmmm, this killin' things and shoving it in bags is some good stuff.

Before you label me a sociopath, let me defend myself; I've had somewhat of a tumultuous ride these past few months. After Dad died in July, and then a couple of weeks ago I had the dusting and cleaning, I've been feeling a little sorry for myself. And I really wish that I could cut and bag the crap that has been hanging over me.

Because here's what I thought I learned through Dad's death:
1. God has a plan, and it's way more perfect than mine, it's way more complete than mine, and He doesn't need to consult me...He's got it figured out already.
2. God doesn't make mistakes. We do. A lot. But He doesn't.

But apparently I'm remedial and He needed to re-teach. It's like that big long formula you learn in trig or calculus or physics or chemistry--you know, those smart classes--and you know you know the formula because you've seen it and you've worked with it before, but when it comes time for the test, you can't figure out how to make it fit your problem. And then you get all anxious and nervous and stressed because you know you are going to FAIL FAIL FAIL.

That's pretty much been me the last couple of weeks. Trying to figure out how to make it fit. And worried that failure is for sure around the corner.

But I know that the formula still exists; I know that God's plan is still the same and that He'll get us there. And that we can get there from here. He knows just where I am in that plan, and I don't have to know or understand.

The front yard looks much better. I rearranged some of the plants, dug up some cannas that just didn't look right and put the bulbs in a box in the shed so I can re-plant them in the back next spring. Getting them out of the way made room for the smaller plants in the bed. There is still life there, and it looks good.

My own dusting and cleaning made room for me to see this:
1. That I have been so blessed with an awesome husband and two precious children. Do you know how much I have told them that I love them in the past two weeks? A lot.
2. That I have such incredible and supportive friends. Friends who will listen, and friends who will put things into proper perspective for me.

There is life here, and it is good.