The Country Thing

We spent a good portion of the summer in a small, quaint village.

It was in a southeastern valley region.

Of Nebraska.

Now my kids have been city dwellers for their entire lives. Patrick, too, has never lived outside of the city limits.

I, however, lived the first 13 years of my life on a farm, and the next 5 in a town with the population of 70. 70 people. The sign did say "63," but when my family moved in, we raised the number to 70.

That's a 10% increase.

That's also really sad.

I learned to drive a tractor before I learned to drive a car (when I was about 8 years old). I learned how to dress a chicken (which means you chop off its head with an ax, dunk it in scorching hot water, and pull the feathers by the handful, for those of you who thought we put them in their Sunday best). I learned to sew pillows, simple tops, simple skirts, curtains, and prom dresses, and in that order. I learned to ride a horse and clip a mane and hooves. I learned the difference between milo and shattercane and walked local fields every morning for 3 weeks every August.

Yeah, fun stuff.

But still, I'd like for my kids to have some inkling--and maybe someday appreciation--for small-town country life. I'd like them to learn a few things when we go back to my hometown. I'm not talking Laura Ingalls Wilder here. I'm not going to ship them off to some Amish camp to learn how to live off of the land. If they'd just understand that milk comes from a cow and not the dairy isle at the local Kroger, I'll be happy.

So here's the progress we made this summer.

First, Parker is fascinated with the irrigation pivot systems. He wants to know what they do, how they move, why they move, where the water comes from...why aren't there any plants yet to water? He's also interested in the grain elevators. He gets that a farmer will harvest the corn from the field using a combine, and then they take it to the elevators. Then it goes to the store and we buy bread!

An amazing and miraculous transformation, for sure. But it's a start.

Peyton is enthralled with horses. She has learned to stop, to go, to turn. But really, she's much more interested in their bodily functions. Why do they lift their tails when they poop? Why do they spread their legs when they potty?

Which shouldn't make this news too suprising: She learned to squat.

Last night the kids were in the backyard having a white trash pool party--playing in the sprinklers. Pat yells at me to come outside so that I can witness our daughter with her bikini bottoms around her ankles and her hinny just inches above the grass. "I goin' potty!" she exclaims.

A lovely sight, I'm sure you can imagine. One of my proudest mom moments.

Parker has taken advantage a grassy nook a time or two, but for some reason it's much more troubling when your darling little daughter bares her butt in front of God and everybody. Why is that?

But a better question is, which one of my brilliant and classy sisters taught her this new trick?