Musings from a has-been
I have this love/hate relationship with coaching. I love it, and sometimes, I hate that I love it.
In college when I was contemplating the rest of my life, I saw two distinct visions for my future. In one, I was a social worker, had a happy little family with happy little children and enjoyed my happy little life. It looked safe and secure and fulfilling enough. In the other picture, I saw myself as a teacher and a coach. My life looked wildly energetic, intense, and dynamic. There was a husband, but no kids. And even though I tried to picture a future with teaching and coaching and kids, I just was never able to really wrap my mind around it all. ALL of it at the same time happenning all at once ALL of it.
Obviously, I chose to teach and coach. And all this time I have been confident that God has put me where he needs me to be, but somewhere and sometime after I married Patrick, kids started to come into focus. Now, it took about three years (I still marvel at young married couples who are able to start having kids immediately after the wedding...how do they have it all figured out so quickly?), but soon enough we were pregnant with Parker and holy crap! What about the "picture"? I was a head volleyball coach, our team had come from not even winning 10 games our first season together to qualifying for the regional tournament and I had my doubts....was I really going to be able to maintain the same amount of energy, focus, enthusiasm, and intensity for my team while also raising a child? or children? I'm not quite sure what it is in my brain (or my heart) that won't allow my mind to see it all together at the same time--coaching kids and raising my own kids--but it has always been a road block for me...
Funny how things happen. The spring after Parker was born, Patrick was offerred the job at Martin. I was able to tag along to teach English. Even though I hated leaving the girls who had worked so hard and gotten so far, I thank God for openning the door that led us to Arlington. I was hired as an English teacher with no coaching duties, and the blessing was that I was able to get my feet under me as a mom. Not that "just teaching" is a piece of cake, but the hardest thing about coaching, I think, is the scheduling. We were able to find the most fabulous care-givers in Nanny and Shawna and Patrick was coaching and our lives seemed to resemble normalcy and order.
But I missed coaching.
So the next year, as I was just a few months from delivering Peyton, the opportunity arose for me to resume coaching. And since we now had found good friends and good people to help us with the scheduling, coaching seemed like a good idea.
And it was, until Parker started school last year.
I felt like I was back at square one, unable to wrap my mind around teaching and coaching and family and now kids' school ALL at the same time happenning all at once. It was overwhelming. I mean, I could have figured it all out...if Patrick would have agreed to give up HIS coaching obligations. Because let me tell you, volleyball season was a snap. Leaving for school before the kids got up, coming home after they went to bed wasn't really that hard for me. Yeah, I missed the kids. But as far as stress? Little. Patrick took them to the babysitter or preschool. Patrick made their lunches. A lot of the time, Patrick fixed dinner. I was the accessory parent. What was hardest was when Patrick's season started rolling mid-October. Then, not only was I responsible for coaching and teaching, but I also acquired all of the kid responsiblities that Patirck had taken on for me while I was coaching volleyball. Then, two weeks after Patrick would start wrestling, girls' basketball would begin and it would begin BEFORE volleyball was over. Two sports (and for three weeks, three sports) going on at one time, plus all of the responsibility of making sure the kids were picked up on time, fed, bathed, and put to bed at a decent time was overwhelming. But I used to say, for as hectic as our lives were for the four months that Patrick and I were both in season, it was worth it for the "down-time" in the spring, when there was no after school practice, no games, and only three classes to plan, teach, and grade. I felt like it was then that I was able to catch up with my own kids.
As I began anticipating Parker starting "real" school, it became more apparent to me that I needed to be more available to our own kids. (Not to mention some serious--and not so kind at the time--I might add--nudges from God.) The kids were beginning to play t-ball and soccer, and I felt like I needed to be in the stands cheering on their teams instead of Parker and Peyton being drug to game after game cheering on my teams. (Not that it was a horrible life for them. Coaches and athletes are the kind of people that I want my kids to have as role models. Peyton loves going to games, and she and Parker always seemed to latch on to one of the kids from each team. And we still go to lots of high school games--it's just that now we all get to be spectators.) Parker was going to start school and I wanted to be able to focus on helping him adjust to the demands of school. And, we were pregnant with Presley; I wanted to have time to spend with her and enjoy her. Even though Peyton was a little disgusted with me for "quitting" and Parker still talks about how maybe I can have a desk in the coaches' office again someday, I just can't wrap my mind around how I can be the mom I need to be while also being the coach I want to be.
So, all of that to say I was a coach, then I wasn't, then I was, and now I'm not.
Do I miss it? Of course. Or, rather, I miss a lot of it. I don't miss narrow-minded and rigid parents, silly rules, and the drama that always comes with it. But when Denise approached me with the opportunity to coach a club team during March and April, I jumped at the chance. When a kid asks me to go to the gym to help them with their skills, I'm on it. It is a breath of fresh air to get into the gym and be around the kids and the sport. I have found that there are more than enough opportunities to get my coaching fix.
And one, namely, is t-ball.
When we (I) signed Parker and Peyton up for summer t-ball a couple of months ago, I checked the box that asked, "Are you willing to coach?" I figured with two kids on the same team we (Patrick) should step up and help in some way. Patrick had helped coach Parker's t-ball team last summer; he had coached his soccer team last fall. I checked the box, with a written-in addendum that we (Patrick) would coach ONLY if no one else wanted to.
Apparently no one else wanted to and Patrick was serious last summer when he said "I will never ever ever coach t-ball again" because now I am the coach of the Riverbandits 5 and 6 year old t-ball team.
I told the parents from the get-go that I'd coached high school kids for a long time, but have never coached 5 and 6 year olds. And let me tell you, it has been a humbling experience. Practices are chaotic. We can't run the bases without someone falling down. Haven't had a practice yet where someone doesn't cry. Games are a mess. There is dirt everywhere mostly because the kids can't keep from throwing it or kicking it or rolling around in it. I don't even go into the dugout because if a kid is on the field--defensively or offensively--he/she needs me to be out there, too. And it's dang hot. And talk about feeling ineffective as a coach. And did I mention it's dang hot?
So here I am, back to the thing I hate to love. But it's fun. The kids are silly. And they are sweet. And I think they are having a good time. For me, it's fun to be back in the game.
Whether they are learning anything remains to be seen....
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