A Bitter-Sweet Thing

A year ago today, we buried our Dad. Here's the message we delivered at his funeral--his eternal "messages" to us:

One thing about it, we will hear Dad's voice in our ears--and in our hearts--forever. There are a few quotes of Dad's that have become quite famous in our house. We'd like to share them--the clean ones anyway--with you this morning. Now let me warn you--it's not as if we always enjoyed hearing these words--this advice--from Dad. Each of us girls has a unique story that connects us to these often-heard statements. But it was through these words that Dad taught us who and what he wanted us to be about.

#1. "When was the last time you checked the oil in your car?"

Most of the time, we rolled our eyes at this comment, but here's the lesson I think he was trying to teach us: Take care of your stuff. Learn to take responsibility for how you live and what you do. Be independent.

#2. "Get back up on that horse and show him who's boss!"

Raising horses was just about as important to Dad as raising girls. When one of us would get thrown by a horse, Dad made us pull ourselves off the hard ground and get back on, no matter how scared or "hurt" we thought we were. Dad wouldn't let us let the horse win. Unfortunately for Dad, this one backfired, because he ended up raising five bossy girls. (Just ask Pat and Greg.) But more importantly, it taught us to be assertive, be leaders, and to take charge.

#3. "You gotta take the bad with the good."

Romans 5:3-5 says, "And not only that, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because suffering produces persevernce; perseveranc, character; and character, hope." Dad talked about taking the lows with the highs when we were experiencing a "bad"--a lost game, a white ribbon at the fair, an unruly child, or any other time it seemed our situation came up short of our grand expectations. It seemed that Dad knew that experiencing these struggles would teach us patience and perseverance.

#4. "If you are going to do something, do it right."

Whether sweeping the floor or accepting a new job, Dad didn't want us to do anything halfway. The lesson: Put your heart into it--whatever "it" is. Don't always look for the easy road or the shortcut. Take your time and do the job right.

#5. "Hey, ya did all right."

We heard this most of the time when we didn't do okay. For example, Denise always disqualified in the poles or barrels at the fair. Afterwards, when she would sit on her horse and pout about it, Dad would pat her on her knee and say, "Hey kiddo, you did all right." Ironically, he would never congratulate us when we really did do something extraordinary. but to Dad, you "did all right" as long as you worked your hardest and tried your best.

#6. "The wink"

Sometimes lessons didn't always come in the form of words. So often Dad's message of forgiveness, acceptance, and love came in the form of a simple wink. If there was ever one of us in trouble (and we did get into our share of trouble), at the end of the storm, we would sometimes get a simple wink from Dad. It was his way of telling us that things were okay, and that life goes on regardless of the mistakes we've made or the trouble we're in.

We won't see the wink again, or hear these words again from Dad's mouth here on earth, but--like it or not--those lessons are with us forever and worth remembering for a long time. A lot of these lessons were not always easy or fun to learn--let alone for Mom and Dad to teach. Our house was far from the textbook, model classroom to say the least. Dad made mistakes. We made mistakes. But one thing that I am sure of: God doesn't make mistakes. And for Dad,

right now, things are just as they should be.

We miss you, Oldie. Winks.